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less charming and more strange than your average blog
September 23, 2003
Diary of an insomniac
I know it'll timestamp this entry when it's posted, but just for the record, it's 3:36 AM right now and I just spent the last three and a half hours lying in bed, tossing and turning and trying very hard to not try at all to fall asleep. Nothing felt right. Too hot. Too cold. Pajamas are irritating me. Nakedness is distracting, my equipment just can't get comfortable. My hands are dry, everything I touch feels like paper and I can't think about anything else. For some reason all I can think about is Brittany Murphy and how horrendous she looks as a blonde. Lying on my side is no good. Lying on my back? Also no good. Lying on my stomach is worst of all. What the hell is left? I imagined hanging from the ceiling from a noose would have been welcome right about then.
When I finally gave up the fight and came out to the living room, my eyes didn't even need to adjust when I turned on the light. It's like my body knew it wasn't going to get any sleep, so it didn't bother making the necessary preparations. Is this a cause or an effect? I've been feeling creatively bankrupt for the last several months, and now all of a sudden, the one night in over a month that I actually need to get sleep (I have to be somewhere at 10 AM tomorrow -- oh wait, "tomorrow"), ideas just start exploding out of nowhere and writing themselves into articles right there in my brain. Seriously, the full texts of three new articles are sitting in my head as I'm writing this entry right now, and you just know that as soon as I try to get it all out, my mind will go blank and I will remember nothing except that I was unable to write my VMA predictions this year and this somehow makes me a failure at everything.
Well, that's where I stand right now. I'm probably going to make an attempt at some real writing before trying to get to sleep again. Either that, or I'll stay up all night so I can get to sleep at a normal hour tomorrow. In high school, I stayed up until the wee hours of the morning every night, and took a six-hour nap every afternoon from 2:30 PM to 8:30 PM. It was the weirdest sleep cycle I ever kept, but at least it worked.
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When I finally gave up the fight and came out to the living room, my eyes didn't even need to adjust when I turned on the light. It's like my body knew it wasn't going to get any sleep, so it didn't bother making the necessary preparations. Is this a cause or an effect? I've been feeling creatively bankrupt for the last several months, and now all of a sudden, the one night in over a month that I actually need to get sleep (I have to be somewhere at 10 AM tomorrow -- oh wait, "tomorrow"), ideas just start exploding out of nowhere and writing themselves into articles right there in my brain. Seriously, the full texts of three new articles are sitting in my head as I'm writing this entry right now, and you just know that as soon as I try to get it all out, my mind will go blank and I will remember nothing except that I was unable to write my VMA predictions this year and this somehow makes me a failure at everything.
Well, that's where I stand right now. I'm probably going to make an attempt at some real writing before trying to get to sleep again. Either that, or I'll stay up all night so I can get to sleep at a normal hour tomorrow. In high school, I stayed up until the wee hours of the morning every night, and took a six-hour nap every afternoon from 2:30 PM to 8:30 PM. It was the weirdest sleep cycle I ever kept, but at least it worked.
