...of charm and strange: the blog

Friends, I have to get something off my chest.

Some of you probably know that I became a traitor to good taste last year when I became addicted to American Idol. I use the word "addicted" because that way it doesn't really sound like it's my fault. I'm a victim, people! Nobody blames alcoholics. I don't see why I should be treated any differently.

Significantly fewer of you know that I actually attended the American Idols Live! concert that took place in Seattle a few weeks ago. I can already feel the regret setting in. Not that I went to the concert, but that I'm admitting this on the damn internet. But it's true. Fortunately, I went incognito, with the big hat and the sunglasses and everything. No, that's a lie. Luke and I bolted to our seats as soon as we were in the door and covered our faces with our hands until the lights went down. Although come to think of it, isn't being gay reason enough to be into American Idol? Isn't that in our contract? I'll have to check that out when I get the chance.

Luke was seated next to a couple of 15-year-old girls dressed like 30-year-old prostitutes who kept on screaming, "CLAAAAAAAAAAYYY!!!" and trying to dance, but falling over all the time because their prostitute shoes were quite cumbersome. I sat next to an 8-year-old girl (who, thankfully, was not dressed like a prostitute of any age) who looked completely nonplussed throughout the entire show. My hypothesis? Her parents were sucked into the show just like I was, but luckily they had a child handy to use as an excuse to see CLAAAAAAAAAAYYY!!! live. Bastards! Why didn't I think of that?

Actually, it was hideously comforting to be around so many other people who were Idol fans as well. Mostly, they boosted mine and Luke's self-esteem by being shrill and fangirly, making us feel like we had a right to scoff at their lame and stupid interests. "Well, we paid $40 for decent seats and all, but at least we didn't make t-shirts. How laaame. Well, we declined a dinner party invitation so we could come here, but at least we're not clapping. God."

The whole event had this weird underground feel to it, since there is so much shame inherently related to being a fan of the show. Like everyone gathered in the stadium was finally able to stop living a lie and bask in their addiction together. Ooh, kind of like the masked orgy in Eyes Wide Shut. But without the masks. And the sex. And Tom Cruise wasn't there, although I wouldn't be surprised if he secretly watched the show religiously. Oh my god, I bet this is why he and Nicole got divorced! American Idol ruins marriages, y'all! Stay away!

So that's my confession for the day. I'm not going to describe the concert itself, because if you're the kind of person who even cares, YOU WERE PROBABLY THERE!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to do my penance: watching From Justin to Kelly. They usually reserve that kind of suffering for the worst of the worst offenders, but I have a feeling I deserve it.