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less charming and more strange than your average blog
September 21, 2003
Laura: Do you realize that when you get old, you have absolutely no privacy anymore? I mean, if you're one of those old people that needs to be helped across the street, or requires a full-time nurse or something.
Eric: Yeah, can they even shower by themselves? I can not imagine being a wrinkled sack of oldness and being okay with someone washing me. Like I'm a vintage car or some shit.
Laura: Your anus won't even be your own. A doctor will have to put his finger in it every once in a while to feel for prostate cancer.
Eric: That sounds so cinematic: "HIS ANUS WASN'T HIS OWN! HIS ANUS WAS FROM ANOTHER PLANET!"
Laura: At least you can do the testicle examination thing yourself.
Eric: When are you supposed to start doing that, anyway?
Laura: Well, I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to start anytime soon. You, I'm not sure. I know I'm supposed to check my breasts for lumps every month.
Eric: I don't even know what a lump in my testicle would feel like.
Laura: How could you not know? Don't you know what your testicles feel like without lumps?
Eric: How would I?
Laura: Don't you feel your testicles all the time?
Eric: Why would I feel my own testicles?
Laura: Well, why would I feel my own breasts?
Eric: I don't know, because you're a big old pervert?
Laura: At the dorms, they had signs all over the girls showers telling you to feel your breasts for lumps once a month. They had diagrams and shit explaining exactly how to do it, like any girl doesn't know how to feel her own breasts.
Eric: You obviously lived in the Porn Star wing of the dormitories, you saucy tramp.
Laura: For your information, people besides porn stars know what their breasts feel like. Do you really not know what your testicles feel like?
Eric: No, but I know Luke's testicles inside and out.
Laura: Oh, you really can't say that sentence to me ever again.
Eric: No, really. I don't know my own testicles, I know Luke's. I mean, I would be able to tell for sure if Luke had a lump in his testicle.
Laura: And only he would be able to tell if you had one?
Eric: Exactly.
Laura: You can never not be in a relationship. It is life-threatening for you to be single.
Eric: Well, that's what I said. But now I have a good reason.
Laura: If you wanted to, you could use this as your final defense for saving this relationship.
Eric: "If we break up, I'll never know if I get balls cancer."
Laura: "Do you really want that hanging over your head, you murderer?"
Eric: "That's what I--"
Laura: Wait, stop. "Balls cancer"?
Eric: What?
Laura: Ew.
Eric: Oh, sorry. We can't all be doctors.
Laura: You better watch it. I might put my finger in your ass.
Eric: EW!
Laura: Sorry.
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Eric: Yeah, can they even shower by themselves? I can not imagine being a wrinkled sack of oldness and being okay with someone washing me. Like I'm a vintage car or some shit.
Laura: Your anus won't even be your own. A doctor will have to put his finger in it every once in a while to feel for prostate cancer.
Eric: That sounds so cinematic: "HIS ANUS WASN'T HIS OWN! HIS ANUS WAS FROM ANOTHER PLANET!"
Laura: At least you can do the testicle examination thing yourself.
Eric: When are you supposed to start doing that, anyway?
Laura: Well, I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to start anytime soon. You, I'm not sure. I know I'm supposed to check my breasts for lumps every month.
Eric: I don't even know what a lump in my testicle would feel like.
Laura: How could you not know? Don't you know what your testicles feel like without lumps?
Eric: How would I?
Laura: Don't you feel your testicles all the time?
Eric: Why would I feel my own testicles?
Laura: Well, why would I feel my own breasts?
Eric: I don't know, because you're a big old pervert?
Laura: At the dorms, they had signs all over the girls showers telling you to feel your breasts for lumps once a month. They had diagrams and shit explaining exactly how to do it, like any girl doesn't know how to feel her own breasts.
Eric: You obviously lived in the Porn Star wing of the dormitories, you saucy tramp.
Laura: For your information, people besides porn stars know what their breasts feel like. Do you really not know what your testicles feel like?
Eric: No, but I know Luke's testicles inside and out.
Laura: Oh, you really can't say that sentence to me ever again.
Eric: No, really. I don't know my own testicles, I know Luke's. I mean, I would be able to tell for sure if Luke had a lump in his testicle.
Laura: And only he would be able to tell if you had one?
Eric: Exactly.
Laura: You can never not be in a relationship. It is life-threatening for you to be single.
Eric: Well, that's what I said. But now I have a good reason.
Laura: If you wanted to, you could use this as your final defense for saving this relationship.
Eric: "If we break up, I'll never know if I get balls cancer."
Laura: "Do you really want that hanging over your head, you murderer?"
Eric: "That's what I--"
Laura: Wait, stop. "Balls cancer"?
Eric: What?
Laura: Ew.
Eric: Oh, sorry. We can't all be doctors.
Laura: You better watch it. I might put my finger in your ass.
Eric: EW!
Laura: Sorry.