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less charming and more strange than your average blog
October 22, 2003
I Wanna Put My Cat (In Your Hat)
Eric: David?
David: Yeah?
Eric: We have to talk.
David: About...?
Eric: The Cat in the Hat trailer.
David: Oh, Jesus. Don't get me started.
Eric: I'm getting you started.
David: My eyes were about gouge themselves out after 60 seconds of that trailer.
Eric: That movie looks almost as ugly as--
David: The Grinch?
Eric: Exactly.
David: People, if you're going to make a Dr. Seuss movie, JUST ANIMATE IT!
Eric: And making a live-action movie in which every other thing is badly computer animated doesn't count.
David: Who's going to pay $9 to see a big creepy furry hanging out with children for an hour and a half?
Eric: Furries are THE WORST. They're so evil and weirdly sexual.
David: I know, and I can't explain why!
Eric: But they are.
David: They totally are.
Eric: The worst part of that trailer is when Mike Meyers picks up the photo of the kids' mom and says something like, "Hubba hubba! Who's this hot babe?" and the kid is like, "That's my mom!" And then Mike Meyers pauses and goes, "Awkward!"
David: That joke is seriously dead on arrival. I guess it's supposed to make the movie appeal to the older crowd or something, like, "Ooh, the Cat in the Hat tells dirty jokes, too! I'll be there opening night catching the adult subtexts that fly over the children's heads."
Eric: The setup of that joke is just lazy. I mean, who does he think the picture is of?
David: "Oh, that's Heidi Klum standing next to my dad. You're right, she's one fine piece of ass!" OF COURSE IT'S THEIR MOM!
Eric: And there are so many fucked up issues with the Cat in the Hat wanting to fuck their mom.
David: Diegetically, there's bestiality.
Eric: Otherwise, there's the fact that Mike Meyers is dressed as a giant cat and getting a boner over these kids' mother.
David: IN FRONT OF THEM.
Eric: Isn't it bad enough for kids to imagine their moms in a sexual context at all, let alone being babysat by a giant animal wanting to put his weird cat dick in her?
David: "CAT DICK"?!
Eric: You're not going to forgive me for that one, are you?
David: Not anytime soon.
Eric: If they're going to try and "update" the Cat in the Hat, they should just go all the way. He should transform their house into the video for "Dirrty". The kids would go into shock, but I think there would some significant repeat business in the 18- to 22-year-old male demographic.
David: Seriously, they're probably going to have some godawful promotional single to along with the movie.
Eric: Will Smith will finally work again. It'll be called, "I Wanna Put My Cat (In Your Hat)."
David: Don't even joke about Will Smith working again. It might actually happen.
Eric: But probably not.
|
David: Yeah?
Eric: We have to talk.
David: About...?
Eric: The Cat in the Hat trailer.
David: Oh, Jesus. Don't get me started.
Eric: I'm getting you started.
David: My eyes were about gouge themselves out after 60 seconds of that trailer.
Eric: That movie looks almost as ugly as--
David: The Grinch?
Eric: Exactly.
David: People, if you're going to make a Dr. Seuss movie, JUST ANIMATE IT!
Eric: And making a live-action movie in which every other thing is badly computer animated doesn't count.
David: Who's going to pay $9 to see a big creepy furry hanging out with children for an hour and a half?
Eric: Furries are THE WORST. They're so evil and weirdly sexual.
David: I know, and I can't explain why!
Eric: But they are.
David: They totally are.
Eric: The worst part of that trailer is when Mike Meyers picks up the photo of the kids' mom and says something like, "Hubba hubba! Who's this hot babe?" and the kid is like, "That's my mom!" And then Mike Meyers pauses and goes, "Awkward!"
David: That joke is seriously dead on arrival. I guess it's supposed to make the movie appeal to the older crowd or something, like, "Ooh, the Cat in the Hat tells dirty jokes, too! I'll be there opening night catching the adult subtexts that fly over the children's heads."
Eric: The setup of that joke is just lazy. I mean, who does he think the picture is of?
David: "Oh, that's Heidi Klum standing next to my dad. You're right, she's one fine piece of ass!" OF COURSE IT'S THEIR MOM!
Eric: And there are so many fucked up issues with the Cat in the Hat wanting to fuck their mom.
David: Diegetically, there's bestiality.
Eric: Otherwise, there's the fact that Mike Meyers is dressed as a giant cat and getting a boner over these kids' mother.
David: IN FRONT OF THEM.
Eric: Isn't it bad enough for kids to imagine their moms in a sexual context at all, let alone being babysat by a giant animal wanting to put his weird cat dick in her?
David: "CAT DICK"?!
Eric: You're not going to forgive me for that one, are you?
David: Not anytime soon.
Eric: If they're going to try and "update" the Cat in the Hat, they should just go all the way. He should transform their house into the video for "Dirrty". The kids would go into shock, but I think there would some significant repeat business in the 18- to 22-year-old male demographic.
David: Seriously, they're probably going to have some godawful promotional single to along with the movie.
Eric: Will Smith will finally work again. It'll be called, "I Wanna Put My Cat (In Your Hat)."
David: Don't even joke about Will Smith working again. It might actually happen.
Eric: But probably not.
