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less charming and more strange than your average blog
November 07, 2003
These two things are making me question everything I thought I knew about this year's holiday movie season. Seriously, if fucking Elf is getting 81% on the Tomatometer, I don't know what's real anymore. Maybe The Matrix was a documentary. Do I really live in a world where fucking Elf is getting 81% on the Tomatometer? Okay, so I haven't seen it. But still, y'all. Elf. EEEEEEEEEEEELF.
It might still be too early to tell with Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (a title which should be sent to stand in the corner with such other hideous monikers as K:19: The Widowmaker and Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever). There are only 14 reviews up, but some of them are big ones -- Variety, The Hollywood Reporter, and Rolling Stone. They're all totally jacking off over this movie, which makes me want to barf because seeing this trailer and crying over its badness has been a fact of my life for as long as I can remember. How much of a waste would that be if it turned out to be good? Plus, I crack everyone up with my impression of Russell Crowe's badness in the trailer. "Ouah enemy has more than twice ouah guns, more than twice ouah numbahs! And my bloated face has more than twice the surface area of China." (Please note that by "I crack everyone up," I really mean "I say it to myself and giggle, then proceed to burn with resentment that I am not yet an international comedy sensation.")
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It might still be too early to tell with Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (a title which should be sent to stand in the corner with such other hideous monikers as K:19: The Widowmaker and Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever). There are only 14 reviews up, but some of them are big ones -- Variety, The Hollywood Reporter, and Rolling Stone. They're all totally jacking off over this movie, which makes me want to barf because seeing this trailer and crying over its badness has been a fact of my life for as long as I can remember. How much of a waste would that be if it turned out to be good? Plus, I crack everyone up with my impression of Russell Crowe's badness in the trailer. "Ouah enemy has more than twice ouah guns, more than twice ouah numbahs! And my bloated face has more than twice the surface area of China." (Please note that by "I crack everyone up," I really mean "I say it to myself and giggle, then proceed to burn with resentment that I am not yet an international comedy sensation.")
