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less charming and more strange than your average blog
January 21, 2004
A Public Service Announcement
Hi, I'm Jerri Blank. And I'm a 46-year-old high school freshman. No, that's not me. I'm Eric. And I'm the creator of such blogs as this one. Some issues have been brought to my attention that I would like to address today. It concerns the banner ads at the top of this very page. "Eric," people have asked me. "Have you noticed that the banner at the top of your page is an advertisement for clowns? Isn't that inconsistent with your crippling terror at the mere utterance of the word? 'Clown,' that is?" Well, I am here today to address those concerns.
Did you know that 12 million people die of clowns every day? I don't know if that's true, but it probably is. We don't know exactly what they're capable of. And is that a risk we really want to take? Ask yourself that question right now. Then turn to the person next to you and ask them. I think I know what their answer would be: "Are we supposed to turn to the person next to us on the right or the left? Because the person on my left doesn't have a partner and I should probably ask him instead." And after that, they would say that clowns are a menace that must be stopped.
What I'm trying to say is, I am not responsible for the content of those banner ads. The idea of a clown college makes me want to cry. Film theory is hard enough. Can you imagine how much more stressful my life would be if it was being taught by a clown? As for ordering a clown for my child's birthday party, well, even I don't hate my child enough to do that. And I hate my child a lot. Wait, do I even have a child? Yeah, I'm pretty sure I don't. Which is good, because that explains why I feel nothing when I think of him or her.
Clowns are evil. Don't let them take over the planet. Thank you for listening.
UPDATED: Okay, seriously? This can't be happening to me. If you click on the link in the banner ad, you get taken to a site for Speedo the Clown. SPEEDO. THE CLOWN. And below that link in the banner ad, it says "Related searches: 'bozo the clown,' 'testicles.'"
I inserted a break here to indicate that I am speechless.
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Did you know that 12 million people die of clowns every day? I don't know if that's true, but it probably is. We don't know exactly what they're capable of. And is that a risk we really want to take? Ask yourself that question right now. Then turn to the person next to you and ask them. I think I know what their answer would be: "Are we supposed to turn to the person next to us on the right or the left? Because the person on my left doesn't have a partner and I should probably ask him instead." And after that, they would say that clowns are a menace that must be stopped.
What I'm trying to say is, I am not responsible for the content of those banner ads. The idea of a clown college makes me want to cry. Film theory is hard enough. Can you imagine how much more stressful my life would be if it was being taught by a clown? As for ordering a clown for my child's birthday party, well, even I don't hate my child enough to do that. And I hate my child a lot. Wait, do I even have a child? Yeah, I'm pretty sure I don't. Which is good, because that explains why I feel nothing when I think of him or her.
Clowns are evil. Don't let them take over the planet. Thank you for listening.
UPDATED: Okay, seriously? This can't be happening to me. If you click on the link in the banner ad, you get taken to a site for Speedo the Clown. SPEEDO. THE CLOWN. And below that link in the banner ad, it says "Related searches: 'bozo the clown,' 'testicles.'"
I inserted a break here to indicate that I am speechless.
