less charming and more strange than your average blog

August 03, 2004

Blast from the past 

Today I found something I wrote all the way back when I was in junior high school, right when Titanic first came out. I thought I would share it with y'all, because with all the pre-Scotland confusion it might be a awhile before I have enough time to write something new again.

Alternate Endings to Titanic
by Eric Rogge, age 14

1. Soon after Rose recovers from her ordeal on the Titanic, Jack returns from the grave and stalks her with an ax. He wears a black overcoat and eventually he kills her, chops up her body, and pastes the pieces in a precious memory book. He lives happily ever after until her rotting corpse is resurrected and kills him.

2. Rose, having enjoyed being sketched nude, becomes a high-class porn star and stars in the entire "Rose the Porn Star" movie series. Soon she gets into drugs and, in an attempt to fix up her life, becomes a nun and gives up meat, sex, brand names, and small dogs.

3. Rose permanently scared of water and avoids it at all costs. She never bathes and gets very dirty and smelly. Soon she gets so smelly that she dies.

4. Rose becomes a hermit and lives in a shack in the woods. Her only friend is her rifle that she named "Mr. Happy." She spends her days as an old woman blowing away small children and animals with her shotgun. She long ago forgot English and now speaks in gibberish. Her diet consists of tree bark and mud. She smells.

5. Rose is a lesbian.

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